Many times, in order to grasp the magnitude of God’s word, the Lord allows us to live the reality of it. This past couple of weeks, I have found myself living in the trenches of Romans 7, dealing with a grueling, internal war. I look at my own life, and I see the stark divide between the good I desperately want to do and the evil that I do not want is what I keep on doing. It is a humbling, wretched reality. I definitely delight in the law of God in my inner being, yet I find myself captive, repeating the very things I hate. My heart has been turned inside out by this realization.
To compound this, there is the modern relentless pressure to keep everything together; my professional responsibilities, my relationship that has been so beautiful so far, settling down plans, my family, and even my sanity! As a first born daughter, I am the one expected to give the advice and have most of the answers. It is so easy for the heart to grow weary when you are the one others are leaning on, while you yourself are struggling to stand.
In the midst of this weariness, I found myself listening to a hymn that has been on my playlist for some time now, and for the first time, I actually heard it:
[Verse 1]
Come unto Jesus, all you who are weary
Come to the mercy seat, fervently kneel
Here bring your wounded hearts, broken and needy
Come unto Jesus, mighty to heal
[Verse 2]
Joy of the comfortless, Light for the straying
Hope of the penitent, Peace in our strife
Here speaks the Comforter, tenderly saying
“My yoke is easy, my burden is light”
[Chorus]
Come unto Jesus
Come unto Jesus
Lay down your burdens, He is enough
Come unto Jesus, rest in His love
Indeed, there is a profound, terrifying beauty in admitting that I am not the one in control. I say ‘terrifying’ because as human beings, we constantly strive to be in control of things, desperately wanting to ensure that everything is aligned. Yet, the frustration at my own sinfulness, the sadness that comes with the ‘delays’ of life, and the sheer volume of work I have to figure out daily, all serve as a sobering reminder of my own insufficiency.
And remind me of my dire, unceasing need for Christ.
I am learning that if my burden is truly going to be light in my journey to the Celestial City, I have to stop trying to carry it by myself. Regarding the delays, I am learning that the best place to be is at the center of God’s will, even when that involves ‘humanly uncomfortable’ periods of waiting. Therefore, I am setting down the tools of my own effort, and for today and the days ahead, I am simply going to the mercy seat, not as someone strong and capable, but as a weary, broken and needy soul!