A month ago, on 27th March 2025 to be specific, I got this email and honestly, “thrilled” doesn’t even begin to cover it! I was literally over the moon! I had finalized my application in February and my anxiety was over the roof for a whole month as I waited for the admission results. I remember I was in a meeting when I saw the email displaying the blue balloons, and I couldn’t wait for it to end so that I could call my mom and share the good news! I felt like everything was aligning and I was on the path towards ticking off a major life goal: starting my Masters before hitting that ‘prime’ year, the famous 30😅

After the admission, came the other long wait for the scholarship results. I had applied for both the university’s scholarship and that of the Swedish Institute, and I was hopeful that I would hit it out of the park with one of them. At the same time, I was like, “Hmm..not my will, Lord, but Yours” because at the end of the day, I knew that many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails! However, despite having this solid understanding, I still struggled to accept it deep within. I remember a friend asking me how I would feel if I missed both scholarships meaning missing the chance to pursue my masters, and I was just scared to answer. I knew I badly wanted to yield to His sovereignty for Him to do as He pleased, but my heart also wanted what it wanted. A real struggle that was!

But isn’t that just how our hearts are? We do not do the good we want (in this context, appreciating and resting in God’s Sovereignty), but the evil we do not want is what we keep on doing (wallowing in our anxiety while obsessing over our desires). The battle continued for one whole month and finally the results came out and yoooh! My fears came alive, literally screaming in my ears. Yeah, your guess is as good as mine, I didn’t secure any of the 2 scholarships.

This is something I had poured all my heart into, worked tirelessly towards, constantly prayed about, and not only looked forward to, but also envisioned how this new field I was plunging into would look like! So, I was definitely crushed at the negative results. My sinful human nature couldn’t just wrap its mind around the fact that God had allowed me to be excited at the admission results then frustrated me a month later at the scholarship results. At that very rawmoment, I had forgotten the foundational truth that ‘Our God is in the heavens and He does whatever He pleases’. All I could feel was the sting of heartbreak, and the perceived loss of something that I believed would be beautiful. O how wretched our thinking is as human beings!

But thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord who continually sanctifies us by His Truth. The Truth that constantly reminds us that His sovereignty is some distant concept, but the very pillow on which we should rest our heads upon as His children. And indeed, the powerful words of Samuel Rodigast from 1675, which resonated so deeply with me at the beginning of this year, remain steadfast:

Whate’er my God ordains is right
His holy will abideth
I will be still whate’er He does
And follow where He guideth

I pray that He teaches all our hearts to continuously rest in Him!