It’s been a whole two months since I occupied this space, and honestly, I’ve missed it. I didn't go silent because I ran out of words (though coming to think of it🤔, I might have been battling a serious writer's block), but it's because I’ve been caught up in the chaos of settling into the new assignment at hand. These past few months, my brain has been taking in the thrill and exhaustion of fieldwork, the attentiveness to detail demanded by office tasks, and the professionalism required when engaging with different stakeholders.

Heh, you would think that I should have gotten used to the transitions by now since it's only 2 years ago that I went through a similar experience, but honestly, with new assignments, there is always that jittery feeling that accompanies them. There is always a mix of excitement and uncertainty that comes with interacting with new colleagues, a new work environment, new bosses, and to top it all, the rigorous process of learning new work-related things to be able to fulfill your responsibilities (and yoooh! Most of the times, it's usually baptism by fire🔥). This tends to take a toll on someone for a while before adjusting fully because on some days, you feel like you have a firm grip on things, confidently executing tasks and making decisions, but on other days, doubt and imposter syndrome creep in—am I qualified for this job? Am I doing enough? Am I making an impact?

There are days I make silly and costly decisions and my boss gets so agitated, and guilt eats me up that whole week. This hits especially hard for those of us who are wired to give 110%—because no matter how well we do things, there’s always that insistent voice asking, Could I have done it better? Could I have structured my statements better? It’s a constant internal debate, where conversations are replayed, decisions reanalyzed, and second-guessing whether I could have approached things differently.

The greatest challenge for me hasn’t just been about meeting my employer's expectations, but that of living up to my own, which often feel higher than anyone else’s. There have been days where this has fueled me to push harder and upskill but there are other days where I have been left mentally exhausted, wondering if I’ll ever feel fully satisfied with my work(A constant reminder of the vanity of life🥹).

Nevertheless, this whole experience has also been a school of hard knocks where I have been learning that growth is neither linear nor about getting everything perfect but about showing up every day, learning, taking up corrections (positively), and trusting God to enable me to do diligently that which He has placed in my hand.

So, yes, the self-doubt still looms large, the pressure to do better never quite ebbs away, and the learning curve sometimes feels like a vertical climb. But through it all, I remind myself that growth takes time, and every step, no matter how scary and uncertain, is worth it!